New Plan

Sleep.  Again. 

I came to terms with the fact that my kids might and might not nap.  Before that, though, I emailed the girls in my multiples group for some advice on what to do about sleeping, beds, etc.  I got one very good piece of advice that helped me focus and come out of my stupor and frustration and exhaustion and figure out what I needed to do. 

The long and short of it was that I (and they) needed something concrete and measurable.  It is advice based on Love and Logic.  I needed to figure out what it was I wanted my kids to do, and what I would do if they didn't do it (what the consequence would be for them).  I KNOW this.  This is typically how I parent my kids.  But I was drowning and couldn't see this.

Luckily I got this piece of advice the day after I came to peace with my kids not sleeping, because I have learned that, sadly, you cannot force children to sleep, even when they need it. So here is what I decided to do. 

My kids MUST STAY IN/ON THEIR BED.  That is where my line is.  I don't care if they're jumping, screaming, laughing, reading, playing, crying, or sleeping.  But if they stay on their bed they can't mess with the other boys or wake them up, they can't fight, they can't pull doors off hinges, they can't slam fingers in doors. 

Per my friends suggestion, I tried taking them from the room and putting them in a pack n play in a different room if they got off of their bed.  That was ugly.  One was in the hall, one in the living room.  Not only was it a pain, it wasn't really effective because they can get out of the pack n play and just think that it's a fun new toy.  So I tried that for 2 days. 

The second day I realized that they WERE upset if I took away their blankets and pillows and animals.  So I have been doing that.  If they get out of bed, I take all that stuff.  They do NOT like that.  After 5 minutes or so I have been giving it back.  (I might stop that, though, once they get the cause/effect of it.  So maybe Tuesday I will start just taking them for the entire time...?) 

Anyway, it has been going ok.  I feel like they are starting to get it.  There is always one kid who understands each time, and I don't have to take blankets away from him, but it is a different kid each time.  :) 

The hardest part is that I want to train them to do this in the morning too, so that they're not fighting or waking each other up in the morning.  Saturday morning they woke up at 5:15.  SERIOUSLY.  7:00 is the typical getup time in our house.  Sunday was 5:45 (C both times).  I took a blanket and pillow and laid on their floor and dozed and took blankets away as necessary, but only once each morning.  I hope to keep in up for a few more days, but for the love, I want to end it sooooon! 

I have been able to be consistent with them because it is so easily measurable:  are they on their bed or not?  It is a bit harder when they get off a second time, after I have already taken their stuff away.  Then, they are normally screaming but I have been trying to praise the other kids a lot, which causes the offender to get back to bed.  It has been a lot of work, but I am hoping that since it is so clear cut (stay on your bed!!!!) that they will be able to learn how to do it. 

Not sure if this will work.  Praying, praying, praying it does.  If it does this will allow me to have quiet time for the next few years...even when they do stop napping, if they know to stay on their beds and read or play, but not get off, then maybe it will help...? 

That's my next step.  Will keep you posted :)